shite actually

Haha! You see what I've done there? I've taken the name of a popular British film and changed the first word from love to shite. Kudos to me!

I have to say that my little play on words there is just as funny as the moments of 'Love Actually,' when the charismatic Hugh 'One Character' Grant slips the word 'actually' into his sentances with a slight inflection upon the word that reminds you that love, actually, is what the film is all about. Oh, how poignant and witty, a world dripping with hearts and flowers and comedy moments fit for all the family.

Is this what the British Film 'industry' has come to? I put industry in quotation marks as we haven't had a decent film industry ever since Hugh Grant became the stereotypical English character in 'Four Weddings and a Funeral,' which, I remember enjoying when it came out, though I think I was about 12 at the time. Anyway, I won't be starting a diatribe against Hugh Grant, not much point.

Love actually, is actually a pile of steaming shit straight from the arsehole of a St. Bernard with diarrhoea. Imagine how shocked I was to hear my ex-boyfriend (operative word being ex) rushing into the house, his eyes a blazing with excitement at the “best film I’ve ever seen.” That was the moment that induced me to download it, and now he will never, ever, live it down.

The various speeches about how much love there is in the world are sickenly patronising. According to the film, the best place to see how much people love each other is at the airport. There is no suggestion that perhaps if you go to a Church, or a hospital, or even a graveyard you might find love that, while not as overly joyous, is something enduring with absolute patience and that goes deeper than that moment of happiness when seeing a family member who you’ll be fighting with again in a few weeks time.

I’ve run out of words again….. if I find some I will continue this ‘critique,’ but if I don’t, be assured, that this film is NOT worth seeing.

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